First Posted: March 31, 2026

Last Edited: March 31, 2026

Sounds fancy, eh? I’m not nearly as articulate as I would like to be – far from a journalist or any sort of nonfiction writer – but here we go. 

Before MAGA. Before covid. Before my kids reached puberty. When the world felt comfortable, I started writing romance. 

Why? The obvious answer: Why not.

Why else? Because I was comfortable at work, my kids were just old enough, and my fiction writer’s mind had been bursting at the seams. 

I’ve wanted to write for as long as I can remember. Since I handwrote an illustrated retelling of The Princess Bride as a second grader. Since my seventh-grade teacher said my legal thriller sounded like the first chapter of a novel. 

And why romance? Oh, and the point of the article, we’ll get there, I promise. You know I love preamble in my posts. Romance. Yes. Romance novels were my stress relievers, my happy place, and my escapism, so of course that’s what I wrote. Write. Still write. 

My first few books followed the same formula as the romance novels I’d been reading at the time. Mainstream. Always under a feminist lens, however, as that’s who I’ve always been. I strived (strove?) to write women and men fairly, honestly, and to write healthy relationship dynamics. 

However. Big however. The world began to feel nasty. Misogynist assholes preaching about female submission, and going viral for it. About tradwifery that has zero to do with tradition and everything to do with control. The male loneliness epidemic being blamed on women instead of on the odd social dynamics of our modern world. 

Women thinking women shouldn’t be allowed to vote – how can a woman think so poorly of herself? She doesn’t know the struggle it took to get this far in women’s rights? Of the dangers a woman can live in, if she doesn’t have a voice? 

I come from a long line of feminists – male and female, and am grateful for my upbringing. 

As my children began their journeys toward adulthood, my view of the world evolved. I need to teach my son self-love, consent, and healthy gender dynamics. To help my daughter feel safe in exploring their gender identity and sexual orientation – while knowing there are monsters in the world who take sick pleasure in marginalizing already marginalized communities, and knowing damn well that this has never been a choice for my child, it is who they are. 

I’ve had men close in my life who think very little of women. I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship – and didn’t realize what it was until years later, when I realized how badly my self-esteem still struggled. That takes toll. It brings a person down. Kicking and screaming, I refused to bend when he’d say that I’m not as smart as him, but it clawed into my psyche anyway. Constantly hearing that I’m a woman and thus emotional and less logical. That there is something weird about my genitalia, and I listened to sexist, disrespectful jokes. 

Subsequently, I met an amazing man, thankfully! My cis het husband quotes James Baldwin and self-identifies as a feminist. I am extremely lucky. 

Established as an author now. Mother of adolescent kids. Wife of a husband who respects me. 

The old “it’s not that deep” argument. Not an innuendo, btw ;). But even a casual romance novel, however unserious, matters. Simple things even, like condom use, nonsmoking, and respectful conversations. These matter. 

A scene in a few TV shows based on books – which shall not be named here but you can probably guess – and don’t get me wrong, these are fantastic authors and I know they meant well – wow, sorry, longwinded here… These stories include women being assaulted, from spanking to inflicting pain in the marriage bed – which wasn’t just because she was a virgin, it was far darker and less romantic than a wedding night, however well disguised. Some try to excuse these themes as historically accurate, despite being stories dabbling in or explicitly written as fantasy. Yeah, let’s normalize violence against women in our fantasy stories, but leave out multitudes of other facets of history. Steam is actively puffing out my ears, by the way. 

I wrote a same sex romance, a male-male romance (Day Dreaming). In part, I wrote it because my child needed to see same-sex romances on the shelf of their mother’s published works - that's a story for another time, which I shared in the free newsletter. And, because I wrote three siblings in a series, two got their own romance stories (Finn and Zoe), and the third  (Evan) was a gay character… but he didn’t get his own romance, because I’m not a gay man?  Yes, he’s a character from my own imagination, but it felt messed up to not give him his own book. 

Know what I discovered? It was weirdly relieving to write a story without gender inequality. Same sex romances are not without imbalance, struggles, and deserve attention and care in every way, so please to not mistake me for thinking a gay romance is any easier than a straight one. Not what I’m saying. But the gender thing. Stepping back from having a female perspective was an adventure.  

Just, dang, it was eye-opening. To not have to ensure that my female character was entirely equal. In the demon hunter series, all of the hunters are inhumanly strong, and I got around that part of gender dynamics in a way that feels like cheating. I detest the girl-boss thing, where she’s a badass for the sake of being a badass and has no character arc or flaws or struggle. Or that she’s different from other girls and thus superior. I don’t want to lose her womanhood or sisterhood for the sake of making her equal. Obviously, there are no damsels in my books. 

This is harder to describe than I thought. It’s like this. She must neither abandon her gender, nor sink too deeply into gender stereotypes. 

There must always be consent without coercion. No red pill behavior. He loves her because of who she is, and vice versa, but both must have interesting character arcs, and they must arc as a couple in a healthy way. The primary conflict is exterior to the couple, not someone cheating, not a lie between them. Absolutely, the conflict must not cause a rift between them that should result in a breakup, yet they get back together anyway? Not in my books. 

Ugh, I read a story by an author I really liked once, in which the main female thought he had cheated, although it was just a misunderstanding which he knew and we knew, but she didn’t know. Before she learned that it had only been a misunderstanding, she decided to be with him anyway, and sprinted into his arms and apologized for freaking out. Like the message was about trust, even though all evidence pointed to him violating her trust? 

Another one. Historical. And written a few decades ago, but the point remains. I grew up with this shit. She lost a bunch of weight because of seasickness, and was his hostage on his pirate ship. Now skinny because she literally malnourished, and he was suddenly attracted. She submitted to him as his hostage, and suddenly things were great because he turned out to be good in bed. He was a monster to her in front of his crew, but tender in his quarters that he confined her to for her own safety. For her own good. And she loved him for it? 

Kiss me you little idiot. I didn’t put that in quotes because I don’t remember exactly which book it was and if that’s an exact quote, but I read basically that line in a book about an experienced rake and a virgin. It might have been something about him opening her mouth with his thumb and saying something like that because she hadn’t figured out how to kiss him back. 

And don’t get me started on the female main character who learns to love herself because of him. I mean, important, holy shite it’s important that she love herself. But when she dislikes her weight, her freckles, her homely appearance, her glasses, whatever it might be… and he’s a dashing rogue who sees the flower she is inside, and suddenly she loves herself? Finally she is confident, because of his approval????? She needs to love herself on her own terms. 

Same goes for men, too, don’t get me wrong. A character cannot arc based on someone else’s validation alone. They must find their own value on their own terms, or the balance is lost. 

And yeah, they need to think the world of each other. It’s so much worse when he thinks she’s homely and plain, but he falls in love with her anyway… except it’s not that pure. The story is twisted and uneven, because he knows he is beautiful and she is plain, but he’s such a good soul in bestowing his love upon her. Dang, what a lucky gal. 

They can look however they look. Maybe she’s not beautiful, or maybe he’s not, but they see beauty in each other, physical or otherwise, and neither drones on about how the other is plain yet they love them anyway. Flaws, yes, please have many. Love them flaws and all, not in spite of the flaws. 

Laugh with each other, enjoy each other’s flaws with each other. Empathize over mistakes. Giggle over each other’s farts. “Honey, I burned dinner… again.” “Aw, thanks for making dinner. By the way, I forgot today was garbage day.” “Let’s make a trip to the dump and get burgers on the way home.” 

I know damn well how to write good women – and good men. Equal. Respectful. Us against the world, not against each other. 

But, honestly, after writing a male-male romance, I realized how relaxing it was to write a story in which gender inequality wasn’t an issue. Relationship dynamics didn’t decrease. Heat and intensity didn’t change. Some things became more challenging. Navigating the world as a gay couple in the same patriarchal system I navigate as a cis het female – I am definitely not saying that’s an easier. The patriarchy shits on us all. 

But to have that one thing being equal between partners. No gender inequity. Even kissing was different. Consent still obtained, and just as necessary. Couples checking in with each other, ensuring comfort and safety. 

There is still a risk for abuse. All of that. I am so absolutely not even remotely saying that. It’s just this one little thing that was different. I think it’s the same reason why a lot of straight women enjoy gay romances, and I’m not talking about fetishizing, it’s that we get to step out of our own shoes for a minute, that one step outside of our personal lens on relationships, and not worry that there is a woman walking down a dark alley, alone, and there’s a man standing in the shadow and is he going to do that thing we fear (or maybe he's had a really bad day and just needs someone to smile at him, but we have no way of knowing which he is, and finding out can be deadly). 

And I realized how unavoidable gender inequality is in male-female romances. How desperately I try to write free from it. To not allow the patriarchy to rule my stories. 

Quick (not quick) important interjection. Again, I’m a cis het female with straight privilege. I understand that well. Thus, read my same sex romances because you’re enjoying my books and want to read a thoughtful romance, regardless of the sexual orientation of the characters. It felt genuinely messed up and the opposite of inclusive, to only write about straight characters. 

And please, please oh please, there are amazing authors in the LGBTQ+ community writing amazing stories. A man writing a story about a woman should not carry as much weight and does not strike the same emotional resonance as a woman writing a story about a woman. A straight woman writing a story about a gay couple should not carry as much weight and does not strike the same emotional resonance as a gay man writing a story about a gay couple. 

And please please, make this a safe, welcoming space for everyone. I'm not a woman writing for women, I am an author writing for readers, whoever they may be and I welcome everyone into this community. 

Thank you. 

I was over the moon when we finally had a black president. I will be over the moon when we have a gay president. But when will we have a female president? I’m married to a white cis het male and have a white cis het male son, and they are my equals, and I am theirs. It’s that seat at the table thing, not the replacement thing. What kind of paranoid jackasses truly believe we’re all conspiring to oust the white male. Honestly. 

Misogyny is so deeply ingrained in our society, that I fear we won’t have a female president in my lifetime. When she is finally sworn in, how much hate will be directed at her? How much doubt in her every decision, because of assholes like that guy I used to date?  

Or even less subtle men, like some I know and love, who honestly don’t realize that they are sexist, but… they are. It’s too deeply rooted in our society. Roots that are rotting, and it’s time to start fresh. Healthy soil. Love and care devoted to each bud equally. 

As lucky as I am in my own marriage, we live in a patriarchal society where even many women turn on their own. Where would a patriarchy be, after all, if we all refused to submit? 

People like me are tired of stories that “aren’t that deep.” Not that we don’t love a shallow story, but even the least serious of stories has an impact. Taking that extra sentence to put on a condom. To make sure everyone feels respected and comfortable in intimate moments. For characters to arc because they earned it, not because of someone else’s validation. 

Consider me inspired. And motivated. And fiercely committed. I am thrilled to keep writing, and to dive deeper into each character and their relationship, whatever their identity, because each can and should be unique, flawed, multi-faceted, and experience growth. 

Escapism is magic. Imagination is limitless. However, we cannot escape without seeing even a fantasy world through the lens of reality. Thus, it matters. 

I write romance. Fiction. Escapism. Authentic stories. Love stories. 

Stories that matter. 

Yours truly, 

Carrie Thorne

Feminist. Ally. Quirky human.